I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
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