Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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