No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I faked an abortion last night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
