Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
