I'm gonna have a badass scar
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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