my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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