Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
