The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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