Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
and you fell through a lawn chair
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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