i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
