I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
