just tell him i said nine months
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
