I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
