Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
