I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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