then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
