Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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