Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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