The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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