i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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