I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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