You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
