Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
