So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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