we're blogging at a bar
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
