SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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