I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
