woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We are two peas in an std pod
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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