So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
