Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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