so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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