I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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