i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
