I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
