I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
