i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
