I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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