We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
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Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
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Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize