just come out here and I will go home with you...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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