I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
