she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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