Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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