He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
