we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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