You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
