I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
