Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
