just come out here and I will go home with you...
no, he came in my armpit
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
