Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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