Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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