Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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