so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
