Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
