I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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