She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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