I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
