..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
