I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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