we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
