I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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