HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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