Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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