so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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