I have demons in me.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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